I'm engaged! Now what?

It's funny because my now fiance and I had been "planning" a wedding for about six months now. Planning like throwing around ideas, subtly window shopping at venues, colors, decorations, and favors. We signed up to theKnot.com several months ago just so again to get some ideas. So then he proposed on March 20. I just recently got my ring back from it getting sized. So noww........what am I going to do? What any other unconventional bride would do? I have researching and researching and researching and any good idea, I will post either with a blog and/or a video. I don't think I will on this blog. I want to keep my writing first and then have a wedding blog. I will post the address once I start it! But Yayyyyy.....I'm engaged!

Positive roles for the Oscars

I didn't watch the Oscars last night but I hoped that Monique would win. I had to ask myself why though. I did see Precious and thought it was okay. Not necessarily great but both Gabby and Monique gave great performances. Did I see Oscars? Again, not necessarily but at the same time, they did really good. So I was hoping for Monique to win. She did win. I am very happy for her. Then on Twitter and FB, I see others comment about the type of roles that African American actors and actresses are winning Oscars for. Halle won for Monster's Ball, Denzel won for Training Day, Jennifer Hudson won for Dream Girls, Forrest Whitaker for The Last King of Scotland , Jamie Foxx for Ray which I thought that last two were well deserved and loved both movies, Cuba Gooding Jr. for Jerry Maguire and now Monique for Precious. A lot of people are saying why are we for the most part winning for a role that is negative. All in all, African Americans aren't not portrayed in beauty that we are. We're crooked cops, abusive mothers, we have big egos, and adulterers. This may represent some of us but not all of us. All of the actors (excluding Jennifer since it was her first role) have made wonderful films that they should have recognized at that level. To take it a step further, people have been nominated or not and didn't get recognized at all. That definitely makes me upset but that might be getting off the subject. Monique won because her acting was believable. She wasn't just the funny girl anymore. She definitely wasn't trying to make us laugh. We hated her and when have we ever hated Monique? She deserved the award for that indeed. When Halle and Denzel won their awards, I was with everyone else when saying "Why win for those roles? They weren't positive at all." I still kind of feel that but at the same time. Although I didn't care for Monster's Ball or Training Day, the same comment has to apply to them as well. Halle is considered one of the most beautiful women in the world. In Monster's Ball, there was not one thing beautiful about her. She was abusive, obnoxious, and again somebody we didn't like. I didn't like the movie but it was a role we're not used to. Same thing with Denzel. I feel the same way about Denzel that I did back then. He has done some wonderful work and to not get an award for them is disgusting to me. But....I say all of that to say this. As black people, we should celebrate them and not criticize. The Academy isn't paying attention. WE need to pay attention and praise our people for their work. If we keep knocking them down and the Academy is knocking them, how are we any better than them? Congrats to Monique! Congrats to Gabby for being nominated! Congrats to Morgan Freeman, Lee Daniels, and even though I do not know his name, congrats to guy who won the award but got Kanye'd! :)

Helping Haiti and People who are Hating!

Like everyone else, I'm watching the destruction and sorrow in Haiti on the television, online, and hearing it on the radio. It is horrible to watch but something that needs to shown on a daily so that people won't forget or decide to move their attention to something that doesn't deserve it. I saw Katie Couric on Charlie Rose last night and she had just got back from Haiti. She talked about meeting a thirteen year old boy named Pierre who had lost both of his parents, had head trauma and a broken leg. She was holding his hand and asking him questions and he answered what he could. But then when the tented area that they were using for a hospital was silent, Pierre let out a deafening yell and he said "Why me? Why us? Why the horror?" So I'm watching the footage of this little boy and hearing him cry and couldn't imagine what I would do if that happened to me. You could see his pain in his eyes. You could hear it in his screams. You can see and feel the pain through the television. I truly commend the people who are going to Haiti to help, people who are donating, and people who are showing that they give a damn. Now....to the people who are saying ridiculous comments such as the Haitians deserve it or that it's not the US so why are we helping or even it's not my problem. I really don't care. You really don't care? How can anyone not truly care for those people? How can anyone say that they deserve that devastation? Why wouldn't anyone want to help out in any way they could? That $5 that you might use for the club, a pack of cigarettes, a Big Mac, etc. could save hundreds of kids and babies in Haiti! I understand that the economy is bad but it can't be that bad if you just got your nails done and planning on bowling later....when you know those freshly done nails are going to break? I'm not judging but for the people who are judging Haitians for whatever reason, take a good look at yourself first.

Look back on my 2009....

I'm doing this a little early. Next week, 2010 begins and all of 2009 ends. 2009 for me was long. This year has been very long and full of mountains and plains. I say that because I made a lot of decisions. Some for good and I know now that some were bad. I learned a lot about myself and my mind. I've learned about the complexities of love, passion, friendship and pain. This year has truly been full of self-evaluation and reflection. I've noticed that I've been looking at myself from outside. Asking myself why did I do that or this? Did I do that? Do I really like this or that? Am I ready for this? Why didn't I and why do I continue to do this? 2009 has been all about questions. A lot of sighs and reliefs. 2009 was very helpful for me but also somewhat fearful. I guess I feel like this year is preparing me for a lot more things. Good and bad. I lost my job this year but plan on getting married in 2011. I'm actively trying to lose weight but also feel like I'm losing my mind at times. I joined a spoken word group and writing more poetry which I did plan on doing. My poetry has been definitely helping me and meeting new people is always a great thing. I've found people from my past and very happy about that. I'm going to be 27 in a few days and actually feel like I've caught up with my age. Before, I would always feel like I was behind. I was always the youngest of everything. I didn't look my age or hung out with people my age. Now I feel like I am 26, going on 27. In 2010, I will no longer the Bag Lady. Everything I learned this year will applied to 2010.

Ima a diva, Ima a diva, Ima a diva

So I went to the gym this morning around 10. Usually in the morning, the majority of the people are elderly or stay at home moms. This time, there were enough of that but also a group of women that looked like they could auditioned for Sex in the City or Desperate Housewives. I saw them from downstairs and put on my earphones. I looked down at my playlist and instantly thought, "Why not start with Beyonce this morning?" So I head upstairs and I see those women standing near the equipment I usually use; giggling and pointing at each other's body parts. I don't know why they were but oh well. I turn the music and some how start walking to the beat. Body was swaying and strutting. I promise I don't do this on purpose. Depending on the song, I end up doing that. As the beat gets harder, (I'm sure you have but if you haven't, here is Diva by Beyonce http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rNM5HW13_O8 ) I make eye contact with everyone I walked past. It was almost like a video or something. I strut a little closer the group of women and they all suddenly stop talking and look at me. I am such a writer because that's when my imagination went from 1 to 10 in two seconds. I was no longer in a gym but a party and the woman of the hour had arrived. Not Beyonce but Cassandra and everyone just became speechless. I got on my machine and began revving it up. I was a diva at that moment. Not in the bad sense though (if there is a bad sense these days) but in the sense of confidence and security. I worked out hard and smiled doing it. I felt good. I felt strong. I felt proud. I guess working out is starting to work now. Not necessarily on the outside yet because it hasn't been long enough. It has helped the inner self image that I carry with me on a daily. Have I lost weight yet? I don't know because I still haven't been on a scale. I am, however, starting to slowly lose the insecue weight on my mind. 2010, I plan on making me a lot stronger than I am with each day.

Week #2--One big sigh

All I can say is that I hate shopping. I literally hate dressing rooms because they are small which makes me look wider. I hate the mirrors because I am convinced that they are distorted. I never really liked shopping anyway. I've always been good to find exactly what I want in 30 minutes or less and be out. Now I have try on everything and I usually get sizes too big so I can narrow it down exactly what I should be wearing. I refuse to be like that type of woman who wears that extra small shirt JUST BECAUSE I could some years ago. I can't see how people do that but that's another blog. But I am eating healthy now. Not enough meals according to my father but he's right. I've only been eating once day. Not on purpose. I'm just not hungry until later in the day and then after that, I'm good. But I do need to eat at least four times a day, throw a protein shake or a smoothie too. Now I know. You're looking at my title and it says "week two". I am asking for a lot just for week two but what can I say. I'm impatient. I'm working out twice a week but will probably change that to four times a week. Last night's workout was a killer. After five minutes of cardio, my legs were on fire...but I worked through it. I stuck with it. I'm going back to the gym tomorrow and then again on Monday. I would post my weight but I actually don't know it. Maybe I don't want to know. Right now I'm thinking a certain number and just sticking with that. One big sigh....

Thanksgiving....to me

Thanksgiving 2009 for me....Indianapolis weather has the typical cool breeze. Leaves are still on the ground and the smell of food is floating in the air. I'm at my father's house now and will be here probably for the remainder of the day. I'm going to watch some cable, use up some internet and eat until I can't take it no more. I have fond memories of Thanksgiving as a child. Helping my father peel potatoes, learning the right way to make mac and cheese from my mother, trying chitlins for the first time (very interesting!) and spending time with family. I never cared for the whole dinner with the Pilgrims and the Indians. Even as a kid, all that meant to me was the Pilgrims filled their stomachs up before the killing. That whole "happy go lucky" picture that they fed us in school was BS to me. Now at 26, I still feel the same. I celebrate families getting together. I know of some families that only meet during the holidays. Not everyone is close to their families so if this is a way to bring them together, I'm all for it. Now, along with quality time with family, I've been gaining knowledge too. I've been finding Native American quotes, proverbs and words of wisdom. One of my Twitter friends @ciciwryter said that there is more to eating. That we need to stay aware. I hope that people do make themselves aware of Native American history. Read about the beauty of their culture, their history, and their people. Don't just eat. Read. Research. Learn.

Check out http://www.legendsofamerica.com/NA-Proverbs.html for quotes and proverbs. Enjoy!